I haven’t written in over a year.
I’ve missed it. But at the same time, so much crazy and good has been happening that it makes up for it.
Wow, I’ve learned so much in the past year. I don’t even know where to start.
We’ve been extraordinarily blessed in this season since we came down to Hendricks county, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about starting this church God’s placed in our hearts. We’ve had our fair share of roadblocks and detours along the way, shifting our look from excited babies, to wailing on the kitchen floor, from wise old sages, to activists ready to take on the world, to angry shadows in the dark, tempted to shake our fists at God.
But suddenly, because of every treacherously wonderful thing that’s happened to us, I now know God in my heart in a new way I’d only ever known him before in my head.
Early after our move, we realized God had taken us away from everything to make room for him to carry out the Restore Life Church vision in ourselves. We knew we were told to move down, so when things didn’t happen exactly the way we expected or on our exact timeline, we were so often tempted to think we were either misled, time was wasted, or we had completely missed God’s will. But we hadn’t missed anything, God just hadn’t shown us the full picture yet.
So often, we feel as though we have to have big faith – faith that moves mountains, parts seas, and raises dead to life. But Jesus never asked us to have that. And I’ve tried so hard to make myself have that kind of faith. What Jesus said was that if we had even tiny little, weak faith, that was enough. Because a God who can create a world out of less than nothing is a God who doesn’t need a lot of our own effort to work with.
Truth is, we don’t need to fill in the gaps to make our faith bigger or make it everything we think it should be. All we need to do is give him our faith, look to him when we don’t have the answers; and even though it doesn’t feel like we trust him in those moments, it’s still trust, because feelings aren’t always fact.
When we fix our eyes on Jesus through all the crazy and the doubts and the confusion and the blindness, he takes our faith and makes it – not what we think it should be – but what he knows it can be. And let me tell you, I know first hand that the faith he knows it can be is so much more marvelous and beautiful than the faith I think I should have.
Having perfect, big faith, isn’t what gets us through. Looking to the one who makes big faith, even in the midst of our little faith, is what gets us through.
In a Whirlwind
So we kept on returning our eyes to Jesus every time our detailed (and I mean really detailed) plans didn’t work out right. We battled feeling like failures when what we’d excitedly shared with others appeared to fall flat. We were tempted to feel like time was wasted, failing to see the whispers and quiet growth God had been doing in us and in those around us all along.
Then, in a whirlwind of nothing we ever expected falling into place better than we ever imagined with more peace than we could even understand, God gave us another detour to follow.
I know I don’t owe it to anyone to explain why we’re doing what we’re doing. I’ve moved on from feeling like we’ve wasted time or become failures. And I’ve surrendered my fear that others will put that on us. But I want to share this whirlwind with you so that it might strengthen your faith as it has mine – so that it might give you hope, teach you trust, and encourage you in the midst of your own detours and little faith.
Our whirlwind looked like this:
- A whisper in my heart that scared me, so I stuffed it down
- A pointed question within a week that brought that whisper back into the light
- Peace that left us giggling and calming the fears, overwhelming us and leaving us speechless within 24 hours of the pointed question
- A Word of prophesy less than 24 hours after I randomly asked God for one on a whim
- Everyone in our life being excited for us and supportive when told
- Feeling my heart heal every time I surrendered a little more of my pride and plans
- Transitional housing being lined up for us before we even finalized the decision
- Our house selling within 48 hrs of being put on the market with a cash offer
- Making a profit off a house we’d only owned for 17 months
- Having our offer on a new home excepted when the other offer on the table was full asking price and ours was not
- Being offered 4 jobs
- Kyle getting a promotion for our new location within an hour of putting in his two-week’s notice
The Big Announcement
All that said, we’re extremely excited and humbled to announce we will be moving back to Fort Wayne in October to serve at Elevate City Church: an ARC church plant who felt like a breath of fresh air the first time we walked in the doors, greeted us like family when we never were, and who want to intentionally teach us, love us, develop us, and grow us, supporting us in whatever the next detour is God will take us on.
I have no clue how long we’ll be there. I have no clue what will or won’t happen while we’re there. And I have no idea what will come next.
But I know this:
My. God. Is. Faithful.
I trust my weak faith to the God who created me just to have me, brings dead things to life, turns nothing into something, makes a way when there is none, and cares enough to not only have a plan for my life, but to take care of every single detail without me having to barely lift a finger.
I trust God now more than ever. I feel my faith getting bigger – and I did nothing to make that happen.
My best friend since high school told me I’m the most laid-back she’s ever seen me. And we all know that’s saying something because I’m the most Type A, uptight person you’ve probably ever met.
Jesus loves me, his Spirit leads me, my Father watches out for me, and I’m more free than I’ve ever been.